Friday, May 20, 2011
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.
This quote has been a driving force in my recent lifestyle changes [well, that and the support from my husband, friends, family and mfp]. I've tried losing weight before, you know, the “quick way” and it never fails - I gain it all back, plus some [so maybe I should say, it always fails...]. This time it's different and I'm looking at losing weight as the quote says – time is going to pass anyway, so I may as well make each day the best that I can. For a long time in my life, I allowed Fear to hold me back from accomplishing things or feeling successful or good about myself.
Today was a run day for me, but my husband was working and my mother-in-law was house sitting – so I had no one to watch the kids for a half hour. In a previous time in my life, I would have just couched it. But instead I told the kids that we’d go to the school and picnic – they could play on the playground and I’d run on the track [thank you Jessica for that idea]. As we started getting closer to the playground I noticed that there were a TON of people there, so I decided that I’d just go for a walk instead and take the kids to the other park in town. It was really nice for the kids to play and picnic [which they always love to do]. Then after play time, I started walking the rest of my normal run route. Westley asked me why I wasn’t going to run and I said that I’d have to run tomorrow instead. The question kept rolling around in my head, “why am I not running now…?” I thought through a few logical reasons, which none of added up to a satisfactory excuse! So, I started running. I pushed over 100 pounds and I ran my entire C25K Program [Week 8, Day 2]. The kids were fantastic motivators too! Go faster Mommy!!! After my run (and the excruciating walk up Division’s Giant Hill) I was definitely tired, but it felt SO amazing to not allow fear to hold me back! I DID IT. YES……ME, I DID!!
Before the runAfter the run
So to prelude into the second part of my blog about fear, let me tell you, I’ve been looking at dresses online – preparing for our reception/housewarming party next month – I was looking at the actual measurements for sizing [I’ve learned that’s just how you really should shop]. The first dress I ordered for our January Wedding was too small. Patrick and I had decided to move our wedding 8 months closer, so I had to order a new [much larger] dress. In comparing measurements for the dress I wore on our wedding date, to the measurements that I am today, I realized that I’d be ordering a dress 4 [yes FOUR] sizes smaller than my wedding dress. The original dress I ordered [but sold since I couldn’t return it] would ALSO be too large for me by one size.
So that leads me into the other fear that has been popping up lately…the fear of being thin. WHAT?! I know, maybe it sounds ridiculous. But take into consideration that I’ve never been skinny or fit, at least not long enough for it to matter [3 months of a diet that didn’t stick, doesn’t count to me]. Honestly, other than the time period that I attended NMU [2000-2003], I’ve never been smaller than the size I’m currently wearing; upon my graduation from NMU in 2003 through today - I’ve worn a size 14 or larger. Now, as some of my size 14s are starting to get loose on me, I feel excited, yet a giant pang of fear bursts through my chest. Sudden realization – I’ve been overweight [basically] my entire adult life….What will it be like to feel like I actually look good? What will it be like to be fit and thin? What will it be like to wear clothes from the cute stores I always just window shopped?
Since this process of getting fit and healthy isn’t an overnight dream-come-true and I have to work really hard to get in shape –sweat, tears, blisters, and soreness. I’m grateful for every pound lost and this time it’s different because I will succeed at this never-ending battle of the bulge. Everyone has their story – people succeed, regress into bad habits, give up, fail but regardless of the story, the moral will always be: Keep fighting the battle; never give up regardless of the time it takes.