A friend of mine asked me the other day “what size is your goal size.” As you know from my previous blog entry, since 2002 I have never been smaller than a size 14. During the first two years of college at NMU I wore a size 12, I remember one time trying to squeeze into a 10 [It didn’t work out so well]. So, yes, I do have hopes and desires on sizes, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that sort of goal. I’m just excited to be getting smaller, healthier and confident.
I must say I am super excited to be officially wearing a size 12 today!! SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT! Here’s the story of new pants: In need of a new suit coat and pants that aren’t saggy in the ass, I decided to stop and try some things on. Although I couldn’t find suit coats, I did try on pants. I naturally grabbed a size 14, tried them on, they fit. End of story, go make the purchase. That’s when I heard my dear friend Stacy in my head telling me I should try on the next size down. So I reluctantly ran out, grabbed a size 12 and tried them on. I got a little excited when I pulled them up all the way [even passed my thighs!] and then I could feel disappointment building in my chest as I expected for them to not button…..but they DID! And they fit perfectly. And that’s when the tears started. A size 12!? It’s been about 10 years since I’ve worn a 12.
On Monday, I started the last week of my Couch to 5K training program and completed 3.1 miles. Nine weeks ago, I could barely run one minute before I had to walk; now I’m running for 30 minutes straight. Thirty minutes! I used to run on and off, but the longest I’ve ever focused on my health was four months back in 2006. After that there were times where I’d go jogging a couple times a week for a few months, but then I’d create excuses….and stop all together. This is the first time I’ve actually made a lifestyle change and will not be going back. I am WORTH all the hard work I'm putting into myself. After so many years, I’m starting to see that.
I bought some sz 12's too (i'm bigger up top though) and realized that was my "end goal" but now that I'm here I've realized I totally sold myself short. I could easily (easily-ha!) lose 20 more pounds and see a size I've NEVER seen before. So that's my new goal. It was hard, I had in my head that I was just "big boned" or large frame or was always going to carry more weight than others....but I've slowly come to realize that is all just a lie I've told myself (and heard) my whole life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for blogging about your journey. It's great to see that I'm not the only one going through this!