Clever Excuses

I think sometimes I'm too good at talking myself out of things like eating healthy, drinking more water and most commonly - exercising.  How can I keep sabotaging myself like this?  I feel like I've tried everything under the sun - I don't want to start sounding like a victim or whiny, but what do I do!?  Seriously.

I set my alarm for the morning to get up and work out and when the alarm comes - I talk myself into sleeping, because sleep is better.  I'll go for a walk tonight when I get home from work.  On weeks I do not have my kids, I find myself keeping busy or complaining to myself of being so exhausted that I just can't walk.  On weeks I do have my kids, I use them as the excuse.  Not every time, because we have gone on walks all together, which is great.  More often than not, I don't go though.

Any advice on how to get moving and KEEP moving?  I can't find my ambition, motivation, or my dedication.  At least not this week.  I'm PMSing....ah, another excuse.

Slow and steady...steady and slow....

First of all, I want to say thank you guys.  I started this blog because I needed this sort of encouragement, support and love from people who I knew would have a positive, supportive point of view.

So, I'm doing little things.  Last night after taking Westley to T-ball practice, we stopped at Dairy Grille.  Westley earned himself an icecream.....and so did I apparently (thankfully I ordered a baby size...but the butterscotch dip probably made up for it).  As we walked up to the window, we saw Westley's old daycare teacher and her son out walking.  She's lost so much weight, looks happier and healthier - and it's only been a year since I saw her last.  I was energized by her.  When we all got home, we went for a 45 minute walk.  I was a little sore in the legs this morning and surprised by it.  I am more out of shape than I realize.

Today, I wanted a burger SOO bad, but I forced myself to get soup instead - saying out loud to myself "you don't need a burger....soup is going to be healthier for you" and so I begrudgingly drove passed the tempting fast food places and straight to Andy's for soup.

I truly want to get back into running, but I need to get myself focused on the right path and not jumping into running and failing.  My children have a book that I read to them called "Goofy's big race" and their favorite part is to repeat the line that Goofy says "Slow and Steady, Steady and Slow, that's the way we always go."

I'm an INSTANT gratification person.  If I want something, I want it now.  Or if I get my mind set on something, I want to do it immediately.  No waiting, what's the point in waiting.  So this delayed stuff is hard.  I do know that it takes time and work to get there, but I WANT IT NOW.  But, I figure, in a year when I look back, I'll think to myself....gosh, that went quickly and look at how far I have come.  That's my plan anyway.

Now, since there is no rain, off for a walk before the kiddies go to bed!

Here I go.......again.....

In January, I came up with a New Year's Resolution that I thought would be easy to accomplish. Actually, it seems like every year I come up with the same new year's resolution...."lose X amount of pounds," and every year the number goes down...not because I'm losing weight, but because I'm losing hope. I made a goal to lose 30 pounds this year and it's June....I've lost 0 pounds, in fact I've gained a few. I see myself on December 31, 2010 creating my 2011 resolutions.....I see myself disappointed and saying "well, this is a new year." The same that I have done every year.

I do this to myself on a daily basis as well. I'll say, okay, I start eating healthy and exercising. Then, when I mess up, I say, well, there is always tomorrow. Unfortunately, it doesn't change my problem and only feeds it - makes me feel worse.

My poor boyfriend is so amazing. He loves me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He doesn't care how I look, he loves me for me. BUT, I cannot imagine being him....trying to touch someone who is afraid of being touched, trying to compliment someone who questions the compliment....all because of my low self esteem. I don't know if losing weight would change my self esteem and self confidence, but I can't imagine it would hurt it any, and I won't know until I get there.

So, I'm here.........again. This time I want it to be different. I want to see myself different in 2011.