Friday, June 11, 2010
Here I go.......again.....
In January, I came up with a New Year's Resolution that I thought would be easy to accomplish. Actually, it seems like every year I come up with the same new year's resolution...."lose X amount of pounds," and every year the number goes down...not because I'm losing weight, but because I'm losing hope. I made a goal to lose 30 pounds this year and it's June....I've lost 0 pounds, in fact I've gained a few. I see myself on December 31, 2010 creating my 2011 resolutions.....I see myself disappointed and saying "well, this is a new year." The same that I have done every year.
I do this to myself on a daily basis as well. I'll say, okay, I start eating healthy and exercising. Then, when I mess up, I say, well, there is always tomorrow. Unfortunately, it doesn't change my problem and only feeds it - makes me feel worse.
My poor boyfriend is so amazing. He loves me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He doesn't care how I look, he loves me for me. BUT, I cannot imagine being him....trying to touch someone who is afraid of being touched, trying to compliment someone who questions the compliment....all because of my low self esteem. I don't know if losing weight would change my self esteem and self confidence, but I can't imagine it would hurt it any, and I won't know until I get there.
So, I'm here.........again. This time I want it to be different. I want to see myself different in 2011.