My Forever Journey

Follow my forever journey here: http://anorasjourney.blogspot.com/

Owning it!

I was so upset last week because I just started my 10K training program and on the third day…boom, shin splints.  I felt super motivated, energized and ready to rock it out.  Then part way through my run I was in tears from the excruciating pain.  I slowly and tenderly walked back to my car, with salty drips of frustration coming from my eyes…maybe I’m being slightly dramatic, but really, it’s extremely frustrating for me.  I’m ready mentally and my body says – Nope….too soon.  So listening to my body, I gave myself another [almost] week off. 

Today I eased into another run…mostly by mistake.  I wanted to attempt roller blading while pushing the kids in the stroller, it seemed like it would be easier.  HA!  Pushing 120 pounds while roller blading for the first time in YEARS [too many to even attempt counting] was a lot harder than I assumed it would be.  I wimped out after 10 minutes [fail] and ran instead [win].  I could feel my shin pinching, so I slowed my pace.  I decided to not push too much and did about a 20 minute run plus 25 minutes of walking.  If you add in the 10 minutes of roller blading that’s a 55 minute workout – so I feel pretty good about that. 

The other day I was looking for quotes for a new tattoo [which I’ll explain shortly] and I found this quote from Jillian Michaels:  When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap.  You worked hard and you deserve the compliment!

The quote made me think of how I struggle with compliments.  Any time Patrick, or friends and family have complimented me on my success [so far], I of course thank them and usually add a comment about how far I still have to go…or other random negative things.  So keeping that at the forefront of my thoughts lately, I’m trying really hard to just say ‘thank you’ and end it there.  Tonight after our…well, after my workout…the kids and I stopped at Glen’s to pick up dinner because there was no way this Mama was cooking.   I ran into someone I haven’t seen since probably close to December and she says to me “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight, haven’t you?” and I said “Yes, I have.  36 pounds so far.”  As the number 36 rolled of my lips I thought, my GOSH that’s a lot [only 4 pounds from my new Silver Jeans].  Then she said to me, “You look great!”  Embarrassed as usual I felt the warmth of blushing in my cheeks and I simply answered “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”  And right then and there my friends, I owned every bit of that 36 pound loss.  Every ounce lost, every shin splinting pain, every ibuprofen I’ve had to take….I owned it.  I felt really proud and it felt good.  [I’m such a sap…tearing up just typing that].

So about the tattoo…our dear friends Tom and Stacy Heath have been working close with us at this weight loss stuff.  Holding each other accountable, bitching to each other when we’re frustrated, and just supporting each other…you know, the whole 9 yards [whatever that means].  So Patrick and I had this brilliant idea to get some sort of tattoo once we have all reached our goal weight.  The tats do not have to match, but we’ll all go together.  I’m sure there will be some emotional tears as this has been quite a life changing and motivating process for all of us. 

I’m looking to create something that will really express what this whole journey has meant to me.  I’ve thought about maybe one of my favorite quotes or maybe a symbol that represents the meaning in the quote.  For example I love this quote:  Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale   The quote itself is a little long, so I thought of maybe doing a vintage looking pocket watch [location of tattoo to be determined…open to suggestion, although would like to keep it somewhere easy to cover up]

I also love the quote: All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. ~Ralph Ellison   So I could just put the words ‘I am nobody but myself’ possibly on my ribs….Any other tattoo ideas my friends?

PS - Wish me luck at my 3^rd 5K on Saturday!

From Self-Loathing to Self-Love

Every day I get the Jillian Michaels Newsletter via email, which I thoroughly enjoy.  Last Friday there was a quiz called “From Self-Loathing to Self-Love.”  This forced me to think about how many times in my life I have looked at myself, only to find every single imperfection and sometimes even calling myself names.  At [too many] times in my life, I have been my own worst enemy. 

As I have changed my lifestyle and habits, my body has obviously changed as well.  The thing that I struggle with the most is appreciating the changes that are taking place and realizing [or maybe it’s more like accepting] that I actually…am looking…better. 

Some days I look in the mirror and think, oh my gosh, I’m getting smaller and I’m looking great.  But, the longer I look, I start to find things wrong.  I say to myself, “oh, but look at my stomach…it isn’t flat and my thighs rub, and my hips…oh my hips….”  Then I end up leaving the bathroom worse than when I started off.  Far worse. 

Since writing my blog about Fear, I have started to change that thought process.  When I look in the mirror I try to only look long enough to see just the good things.  Then I walk away.  Now, with saying this, I will be the first to say that I am FAR from perfect at this technique, but it still has helped a lot. 

For anyone following my Blogs, you remember reading about my struggles from running in baggy pants and sweatshirts and having to make the transition to T-shirts due to the temperature change….spring.  Well the transition into summer has encouraged me to try shorts.  Yea, you read that right, I ran in shorts [and a tank top].  This was not only a major feat for me, but it was also…a big mistake.  The feat was that I ran in shorts and a tank top.  The mistake…well, I hope that anyone who’s thighs touch would understand.  Regardless, I am so proud of myself.  I never wear shorts; let alone working out in shorts. 

So far I have lost 35 inches and 34.4 pounds.  Five more pounds and I get a new pair of SILVER JEANS.  By the way, I’ve never owned a pair of silver jeans.  I don’t even know where to buy them…haha.  How lame is that!?  Based on my losses so far, I should reach my 40 pound loss by August 1^st.  So, if someone could kindly direct me in the direction of Silvers, that would be fantastic!  haha

Me and Slim <3

To Take the Quiz, click here!  

My quiz results: From Self-Loathing to Self-Love

  

Pretty Good

You're doing better than most. You know who you are and what you're about. For the most part you feel deserving, and more often than not you put pursuit of happiness at the top of the list. You can get stuck in a rut, but you work hard to dig your way out of it. You are secure enough to work on yourself and will lean on friends and family when you absolutely have to, because you know that when their time of need comes, you can also be supportive.




PS - My burn is MUCH better :)

12

A friend of mine asked me the other day “what size is your goal size.”  As you know from my previous blog entry, since 2002 I have never been smaller than a size 14.  During the first two years of college at NMU I wore a size 12, I remember one time trying to squeeze into a 10 [It didn’t work out so well].  So, yes, I do have hopes and desires on sizes, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that sort of goal.  I’m just excited to be getting smaller, healthier and confident.

I must say I am super excited to be officially wearing a size 12 today!!  SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT! Here’s the story of new pants:  In need of a new suit coat and pants that aren’t saggy in the ass, I decided to stop and try some things on.  Although I couldn’t find suit coats, I did try on pants.  I naturally grabbed a size 14, tried them on, they fit.  End of story, go make the purchase.  That’s when I heard my dear friend Stacy in my head telling me I should try on the next size down.  So I reluctantly ran out, grabbed a size 12 and tried them on.  I got a little excited when I pulled them up all the way [even passed my thighs!] and then I could feel disappointment building in my chest as I expected for them to not button…..but they DID!  And they fit perfectly.  And that’s when the tears started.  A size 12!?  It’s been about 10 years since I’ve worn a 12.  

On Monday, I started the last week of my Couch to 5K training program and completed 3.1 miles.  Nine weeks ago, I could barely run one minute before I had to walk; now I’m running for 30 minutes straight.  Thirty minutes!  I used to run on and off, but the longest I’ve ever focused on my health was four months back in 2006.  After that there were times where I’d go jogging a couple times a week for a few months, but then I’d create excuses….and stop all together.  This is the first time I’ve actually made a lifestyle change and will not be going back.  I am WORTH  all the hard work I'm putting into myself.  After so many years, I’m starting to see that.  

Beyond the Sweatshirt

Well, it was a beautiful Thursday evening and a scheduled run day.  Every time I run I wear my loose work out pants, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt [with a sexy sweat band too of course].  It’s been cool enough up until this point that I could get away with rolling up the sweatshirt sleeves and only getting a slightly slimy [err…I mean sweaty] back.  i feel most comfortable running all covered up.  I picked up some new workout pants, which fit better than my loose man-pants. 

Since it was a whopping 64 degrees in East Jordan, Michigan at 8 pm last night, I decided to attempt a run sans sweatshirt.  I put on my work out clothes and snapped a couple of quick pictures and sent them to my dear husband [who was headed to work] and actually typed “This is how I’m running tonight and I hope I don’t look like a blob!!”  I definitely still have such a NEGATIVE mind-set with my body image.  He promptly texted back a very complimenting message that gave me enough confidence to just suck it up and run.  Besides [I told myself], you’re running, you’re not in a beauty competition.

So off I went, confidence shrinking the further from my sweatshirt I got.  I always start with a 5 minute warm up walk and end with a 5 minutes cool down walk.  So as I’m walking, I reach the 2^nd block and I notice a car at the stop sign across from me.  [It was a cool looking car with tinted windows.]  I felt a little under the microscope as I realized the car continued forward and slowly drove by me, came around the block and drove by me again.  Honestly, it was probably just some one lost in the metropolis of East Jordan, but either way, I WANTED MY SWEATSHIRT BACK! 

I stayed the course and had an EXCELLENT run – music blaring, feet pounding, and sweat dripping.  I passed another runner [half way through my run] who gave me the thumbs-up; I waved and felt a SMILE spread across my face.  During the last 5 minutes of my run I passed by some people I know and got a huge compliment “You’re my hero!” and I almost jumped out of my skin with excitement.  In those two instances all I could think is…I’m doing this!

So, this is my 2^nd week of running 25 minutes straight [previously I was on a run/walk routine] and I have to say, it feels fantastic.  I have to figure out a new route now though, because I’m up to 2.5 miles and have to do a lot of back tracking.  So that’s next on my agenda! 

Here are the pictures I sent to my husband, Patrick [sorry for the shitty iPhone quality]:

 

Looking at these today, I think I look decent [especially considering where I started this journey].  I think if it was anyone else I’d be more uplifting.  So turning this around and complimenting myself, I would say that I'm starting to LOOK GOOD and my “mommy tummy” […yea, I know, Akira is 4] is disappearing. 

The support I received before making my blog public has been huge to my success: a humongous THANK YOU to the people who have PUSHED me the most the last four months [you know who you are *thumbs up] and of course to my new friends on MFP.

 

After making my blog public, I was surprised by the support [not to mention the compliments *blush*].  I even got some text messages and private messages [on FB] which all TOTALLY made my day and I thank you all for the continued love and support. 

I promise I won’t post pictures of myself every day!  However, knowing that many of you are fighting similar struggles as me [or are just beginning your journey], I hope you find the pictures motivating.  I weigh in on Sunday, so expect another blog from me then.

Until then, keep moving, eat right and support each other.  We all have our battles, no matter our starting size and progress.