My Forever Journey

Follow my forever journey here: http://anorasjourney.blogspot.com/

Time to Change it up!

First, this is a tough week and I truly appreciate my friends reaching out to make sure I'm okay.  Thank you.  Your outpourings of love keep me smiling.  

As you know from my last blog, I have been stuck.  My good friend Jodi did some research and suggested that I change my routine.  So I'm bringing back the couch to 5K app and passing on the meltdowns (sorry to my meltdown buddies...we shall meltdown one day again).  Really, I just need a break from meltdowns - 6 months is awhile to do the same exact exercises.

Today I was back to day one of Couch to 5K.  It went great.  I'm sure I won't be saying that in a couple weeks, I have to say it was a great change of pace (ha) and my body feels energized yet worked.  It won't be easy the entire time.  It'll get more difficult.   But I'm up for a new challenge.  Last night as I was Watching Seamus waddling as he learns to perfect his walk, it was a great metaphor for me - I just have to keep trying...keep doing and never give up.  

Breaking Cycles

Thunder thighs, pudgy and other fat names still echo in my ears from childhood.  Additionally, this family member would pretend the room was shaking as I walked in.  This, coupled with teasing at school, forever altered my self image.  This low self image was the breeding grounds for self hate, feelings of worthlessness and skewed ideals of beauty.  

My husband was picked on in school and was the kid who always got blamed for the altercations and therefore punished.  Between the relentless teasing and unhealthy role models, he found himself in the kitchen for comfort.  Causing a vicious cycle of emotional eating to form.  

First and foremost, this is not a blog to make anyone feel bad.  Patrick and I both know that hindsight is 20/20 and if our families had a redo, it would be different.  With that said, we also know that our family's unintentional messages forever loom in the back of our minds.  Therefore, we are doing our best to be intentional with our children.  Clearly, as humans, we make mistakes and we can only do the best of what we know.  So our best is cooking healthy meals together, working with them at the gym, discussing smart/healthy choices and also doing our best to listen.  As parents, we have to set boundaries with discipline; these are the years of shaping and developing, we can be friends later in life.  However, with discipline still comes loads of love and encouragement.  

We are breaking the cycles that were trained into our families.  We are stopping the cycles with us.  No more McDonalds or fast food for dinner because we're in a hurry, no more eating fatty food as a reward for good behavior or accomplishments, no more eating based on emotions.  We are starting new healthier habits.   We are helping our children make smart choices and we discuss with them when they make poor choices.  We have learned and now we are choosing different for our kids.  

In what ways are you breaking cycles?

This is me in high school:

Resisting the Pie

I love attending business luncheons.  I get to see people who I don’t have time to see regularly, meet new people and eat amazing food.  This past Tuesday I went to the Connecting Women in Business Luncheon hosted by the Petoskey Chamber of Commerce.  They always have such fantastic speakers; this month was Steve Rudolf on Time Management VS Priority/Energy Management.  What a perfect topic as everyone in the Hospitality Industry gears up for another busy summer – always too short on fun family time, and crazy busy with work, work, work. 

Upon arriving to the luncheon, there was a delicious piece of apple pie and a cup of mixed fruit sitting at each place setting.  In my head I had already told myself that I didn’t have room in my calories and it wasn’t going to fuel my body in a good way.  After lunch [yummy quiche] was finished, everyone at my table grabbed their pies and began to 

slowly…cut…each…bite…and…delicately…place it…into…their…mouths.  OMG.  Absolute torture.  My leg started twitching.  I remained calm on the outside, but boy, was I SCREAMING on the inside.  I WANT THAT F’ING PIE!  Thankfully I saved half of my fruit cup and devoured that.  Unfortunately they were still eating the pie and I was salivating and it looked amazing.  I kept telling myself SELF CONTROL ANORA…. I heard a couple of “mmmmm’s.”  I quickly grabbed my phone and started to look up the calories of the pie [because I’m thinking….Okay, I am doing Zumba tonight - I can afford those calories].  I sucked down some water.  Unfortunately the calories were too hard to determine and apple pie ranged from 350 per slice to numbers completely out of my range of eating.  Knowing myself and the guilt I’d feel later if I ate it, I pushed the pie one last time towards the center of the table.  My triumph over the temptations of the pie gave me a little boost of confidence.  Victory!  I have defeated another temptation! 

Although sweets have never really been a huge issue for me [thankfully] I think what happened was a case of knowing that I shouldn’t have it, so I wanted it even more.  I do have my sweet treats and certainly feed my cravings.  I want to make sure that is clear.  [Thank you to whoever created 100 calorie ice cream treats!]  It’s not like I have given up all the foods that I love [except fast food – I have given that up, but that obsession a whole other story], I just stay under my daily calorie allotment.  If I have a large breakfast or a sandwich that has too many calories, I just know that I have to make better choices at dinner so I am still under calories.  It’s like weight watchers, just with more numbers and counting.  Haha.  I’ve learned what is *really* worth the calories for me; which by the way, has changed over time.  I’m a total sucker for sweet tea – so drinking high calorie sweet tea was [At first] totally worth it.  That didn’t last long though, because I found that my body wasn’t getting what it needed nutrition-wise.  So I’ve learned to feed my body what it needs [and wants], just in ways that I feel is worth the calories. 

I know that there is going to be a point when I need to re-evaluate what I’m eating and edit my rules.  For now, this is what’s working for me.  I’m losing about 1-2 pounds per week [about the same in inches] and I’m feeling great.  Once I hit my plateau, I’ll change it up.  Confuse my metabolism and push harder for more.  Someday, there will be a point when I need to stop, and just maintain.  I trust that my dear friends will help to keep me in check – but I do know I’m a *long* way from that point still! 

I have lost 27 pounds and 26 inches.  I am 3 pounds away from reaching my half way point.  I’m feeling pretty excited, motivated and just plain GOOD about myself.  Of course it feels amazing to be complimented and encouraged on my journey, so I thank you everyone for being so supportive and understanding…..understanding that the only topics I can seem to talk about anymore are my kids, my husband or anything health related [running, recipes, calories in food, losing weight…..]! 

To sum this entire blog into one quick tip: Don’t put yourself through the torment of a restricting diet.  Just be aware of what you are eating by using programs like MyFitnessPal, loseit.com, or Weight Watchers.  Feed your body what your body needs and even what it craves [in reasonable doses].  Weigh and measure everything to steer away from over indulging on high calorie items.

12

A friend of mine asked me the other day “what size is your goal size.”  As you know from my previous blog entry, since 2002 I have never been smaller than a size 14.  During the first two years of college at NMU I wore a size 12, I remember one time trying to squeeze into a 10 [It didn’t work out so well].  So, yes, I do have hopes and desires on sizes, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that sort of goal.  I’m just excited to be getting smaller, healthier and confident.

I must say I am super excited to be officially wearing a size 12 today!!  SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT! Here’s the story of new pants:  In need of a new suit coat and pants that aren’t saggy in the ass, I decided to stop and try some things on.  Although I couldn’t find suit coats, I did try on pants.  I naturally grabbed a size 14, tried them on, they fit.  End of story, go make the purchase.  That’s when I heard my dear friend Stacy in my head telling me I should try on the next size down.  So I reluctantly ran out, grabbed a size 12 and tried them on.  I got a little excited when I pulled them up all the way [even passed my thighs!] and then I could feel disappointment building in my chest as I expected for them to not button…..but they DID!  And they fit perfectly.  And that’s when the tears started.  A size 12!?  It’s been about 10 years since I’ve worn a 12.  

On Monday, I started the last week of my Couch to 5K training program and completed 3.1 miles.  Nine weeks ago, I could barely run one minute before I had to walk; now I’m running for 30 minutes straight.  Thirty minutes!  I used to run on and off, but the longest I’ve ever focused on my health was four months back in 2006.  After that there were times where I’d go jogging a couple times a week for a few months, but then I’d create excuses….and stop all together.  This is the first time I’ve actually made a lifestyle change and will not be going back.  I am WORTH  all the hard work I'm putting into myself.  After so many years, I’m starting to see that.  

This CANNOT be me!?

First I want to say, as of today, I've lost 23 pounds and 25 inches.

I was so proud when I put on these particular pants a few weeks ago...used my "tummy sucker thing" to let them fit perfectly, strutted into the office.  I felt pretty awesome wearing these pants.  Especially since the last time I tried to wear them they wouldn't even come up past my thighs!

On occasion I will wear them, but not terribly often because I hate wearing the "tummy sucker thing."  I decided to give them a shot today fresh out of the wash.  I successfully pulled them on with no "tummy sucker thing" and they are loose in my waist and thighs.  It feels great to wear them to work today knowing that I'm wearing them without any support from undergarments and they are loose!

I do not own a full length mirror, but I caught a glimpse of my reflection in my work window and had to share in my excitement.  This can't be me!?  I should be far more bulgy and lumpy.  I quickly flipped through some photos of me from 2009 when I bought my new car and was wearing the same outfit (the last time I can remember really wearing this outfit).  It was tight on me through the thighs then.  The pants fit me better now than they did before! :o

This is me in 2009 when I bought my car.
You can see my reflection in the car.
The pants are tight through my thighs.
And my shirt is a little tight.

This is me today!  My pants are loose, my shirt is loose.  I'm in shock!